I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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