she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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