i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
