Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she peed on how many people?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
