Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
