once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
