whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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