you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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