you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
