you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
