I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
