last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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