How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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