oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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