Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ketchup is God's man juice
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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