Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
