Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
from now on my penis is your penis
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
