I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
