I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
