i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
