She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
