You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
