Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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