does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
