That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
