sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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