So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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