Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
