the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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