There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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