Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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