Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
