i think i have two assholes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
