It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
