The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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