i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
