You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
