Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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