I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
