k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In America we eat man semen.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
