you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
