That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
