just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
