I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
