Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
