What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
