Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i have two assholes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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