i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
