I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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