Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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