Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
