Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
